Sunday, November 01, 2009

Sort of Stalled

I've been a bit "on hold" since August.

When I left our family reunion in Minnesota, I knew that Mom's days were numbered. The realization almost paralyzed me-- how would I be able to function without being able to call her and ask for advice and information-- What are the ingredients for that salad? What kind of plants were those we saw in Hawaii? Who was that lady who used to play cards with Grandma? How can I handle this sticky situation? And how could I imagine my life without her presence? She taught me to knit, to cook, and the best example of how to raise my children.

This wonderful woman raised 9 children, inspired 26 grandchildren, and lived and loved at the side of our Dad for over 60 years. She courageously battled ovarian cancer for some 12 years, never complaining, aside from "being a bit tired."

We were so thrilled that she felt able, along with Dad, to be with us at The Daughter's graduation from Virginia Tech in May. She handled her increasing frailty as she handled everything else.. with grace and calmness. She flew her kite in front of Burruss Hall, and loved seeing Lane Stadium in person.

In August she told me that she would probably stop the chemo treatments. This round had been going on for about a year, and it didn't appear to be helping any more. She told me that she didn't want me to worry, because "worrying is a waste of time."

She died late on the last night of September. During her last days she was surrounded by family, with Dad at her side. We spent the days after her death going through thousands of pictures, remembering family times, travels, and celebrating her remarkable life.

I saw a "sunbow" the other evening, and the automatic words from my mouth were "Hi, Mom!"

Her spirit is with me and with my brothers, sisters, our spouses and children-- and of course, with Dad.

So I'm giving myself time to get it together.

And I hope to be back soon.


Jane said...

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. It is a huge blow to loose a close memeber of your family. I hope that the memories will easy your sadness and pain. We are thinking of you here and sending you love and hugs. Jane x

Maeve said...

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. My thoughts are with you.

Rosemary said...

I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Jasmine said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you and wishing you warm thoughts in this season of Thanksgiving. It is hard to lose a parent and it takes time -- it doesn't get any easier, you just get better at it (or maybe used to it is more accurate). Her spirit will always be with you.